No one plans for a divorce, but sadly, these days, one in three marriages will break down leaving you having to cope not only with the emotional shock of divorce but the practical side too.
There’s a good chance that your house may have been the only family home you’ve owned, where births have been celebrated and deaths mourned, a place that was once happy and where dreams were made, but which is now reduced to something that needs to be split between you to enable you to move on and begin to rebuild your lives again as two separate individuals.
No doubt you’ll have heard it said that the three most stressful events in life are death, divorce and moving house, and for many people, often divorce and moving house will come together, sometimes when neither event has been a choice, creating a ‘perfect storm’ of emotions that can feel totally overwhelming.
Those of us with children may also worry about how they will cope with moving from, what has possibly been, the only place they’ve lived in since they were born. Obviously, children take their lead from the adults in their lives and if conflict, upset and worries surround a move, the children are bound to pick up on it. But generally, they will worry about different things. As adults we tend to think about the practical matters, such as: is there a decent school nearby (or a possibility of our child remaining at the school they attend already), is the garden too big to maintain by ourselves, are the roads nearby safe? Whereas the important questions for children can be about whether they will be able to choose the colour of their new bedroom, where pets will sleep, and whether their friends will be able to come round easily.
To make the move as smooth as possible for them, keeping the channels of communication open at this time is more important than ever, so that they feel they can ask questions and you can understand what they’re concerned about and put their minds at rest.
There are a couple of other ways you can make your move a little easier too:
Make sure that you find the best help available when you want to sell your house quickly. Look for a company who can ‘hold your hand’ from, perhaps, talking to your bank if you’re in arrears with mortgage payments, if you need to sell quickly to sort out your financial matters; or even if you’re worried that the state of your property might hamper your chances of selling via an estate agent.
Get some practical back-up in place ready for the move. Call all those family and friends who said “is there anything I can do?” and told you they felt helpless through your divorce, and ask them to come and pack a few boxes with you, look after your children or even just keep the kettle boiling and the tea coming. You’ll be surprised at the ways people want to help you.
Many people experience divorce as less black-and-white in emotional terms than they had anticipated it would be and sometimes the shades of grey and the odd rays of sunlight surrounding a house move can be one of the biggest surprises they have. This is the time to view your move as a new era in your life, a fresh start with a million possibilities all just waiting to reveal themselves. It may not be easy to face at times, but with the right sort of help, it may not be quite as difficult as you first imagined.
Hope you find this useful.